he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
