he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
