At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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