at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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