your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
