I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
