My friends, they love my intelligence
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
