Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
