Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
