I just threw up on my dentist
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
