and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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