haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
