Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
