Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just saw a hot homeless man
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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