Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
