There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
