how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just tell him i said nine months
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
