you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
