I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
