My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
