spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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