I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
