I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
