you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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