It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
