thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
