I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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