I am puke
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
