Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
