butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
