We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We need to feng shui this bitch.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
