I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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