hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
