this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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