That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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