You're earring is so big in my mouth
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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