the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
