moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
