Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
