I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
