my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
