Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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