but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
