The best revenge is premature balding
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
