were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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