It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
