Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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