I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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