i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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