where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Rumble strips road head = magical
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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