Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
