this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
