Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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