I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Semen is not good for contacts.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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